A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

Why do we always talk about having someone, a significant other, in our lives like it is the most important thing? I’m not saying that it’s not important. I’m not saying that I could live forever without having a partner to some degree. But this idea keeps running around my head: I have a purpose, and I’m on this earth to do something, and somehow every time I get involved with someone, I get derailed. Now you might say that that is my own issue, and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t agree with you on some level, but I also look at it like this: the test is real. What am I committed to? What am I put on this earth to do and how can I get really clear about that, back myself 100%, and not fall off my path for anything?

A man in any woman’s life is not the be all that ends all. It’s nice to have a partner, yes. It’s also nice to change the world and not let anyone get in your way. As a parent of a boy and a girl, I tell both of my children that the goal is to make an impact in the world. It’s not to get married and have children and live your life on anyone else’s terms. You don’t have to be Elon Musk. But why not? Why not shoot as high as you can for all the things that matter to you and see where you land. Because when you shoot that high, everything is gravy. The only difference between Elon Musk and me is that he takes his life to the next level and that has brought him many opportunities and experiences that are untouchable to most of us. But he started somewhere. That’s the path I’m on right now. And maybe that’s not the right example for YOU. Maybe it’s Oprah. This girl had a life that would turn most people inside out, but she found her way and she worked hard for the life she has, she has had a lot of heartaches and pain but she worked through it and found her way to the other side. And what an incredible life she has. Find that person who has what you want and ask yourself what the fundamental differences are between you and that person. Because there won’t be many. Money isn’t an issue. Money always comes when we need it the most because we draw that to ourselves. Time isn’t an issue. We always make time for the things that matter to us. So what is it? What is stopping you from having what you really want in this life? What is keeping you from your soul’s purpose?

Where should your focus be? I always say to take a pen to paper and start writing this stuff out. What do you really want? Don’t edit yourself and remember that no goal is too big. If you don’t agree with that my friend, I’m going to tell you that you’re thinking too small. Whatever you write down, take a look at it, close your eyes and visualize it: feel it, see it…what are you wearing while you are accomplishing your dream? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? Get in really good and close to your future self, because that’s what you’re seeing: you as your best self and s/he is waiting for you to step onto that path. Now with your pen and paper, write down what it would take to get started. Do the research. It’s not really that difficult, is it? You have it laid out in front of you.

Now the hard part begins: what are you willing to do and go through to completely change your life? What are you committed to becoming? This is where the good stuff is: how far are you willing to push yourself out of your comfort zone, forgetting everything you “think” you know about yourself and the world around you, and start rebuilding the foundation for who you are meant to become? This part is fun if you make it a challenge and you don’t make it about YOU but about what you’re going to do to serve others. The strength comes with the giving and not the getting. Anytime you’re feeling like you don’t know which way is up, lean back on the idea that you have something special that someone needs right now and the longer you keep it to yourself, the longer others are going to be sitting in pain waiting for you to get it together. Intense, yes. But necessary.

This life isn’t just about you. It’s not about what you can collect and keep to yourself. It’s not about being married and working your 9-5 job. I believe this life is about having quality experiences, quality relationships and opportunities to use to connect to source and be useful to others. And the only way you’re going to have quality experiences and find an actual partner who is worthy of your time and effort is if you, yourself, are connected to your soul, to this deeper understanding of the fact that you’re not a human with a soul, but a soul inside of a human shell. Just like a car you might pick to safely and comfortably take you where you need to go, you’ve housed yourself inside this body and it’s your responsibility to keep that car running beautifully so that it can take you places.

Work on your mind and your path. Don’t work on finding a man. That will come after you’ve become the person you’re meant to become, because let me be clear: if you find someone when your vibration is low, you will find a low vibration person and you can get locked into that nonsense for years on top of years on top of years. They will KILL your vibe. If you wait, work on yourself, start something in your life really worth living for, and raise your vibrational energy, you will eventually attract someone who also has a high vibration and is moving forward in their own lives because you’ll be a magnet for possibility. A partner should never be everything in someone’s world. You shouldn’t be looking for your happiness in another human. They should be a piece in the puzzle of your life that provides you with love, care, acceptance, joy, and all the other things that a healthy partner brings TO your life, giving you the opportunity to be all of that for someone else.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
Irina Dunn



About the author: Tanya Marie Dubé

As a Personal Development Training Life Coach, Motivational Speaker and published author, Tanya-Marie teaches women the fundamental building blocks to permanently overcome debilitating fears, self-limiting beliefs and feelings of victimization in their personal lives and businesses and she guides her clients to tap into their endless inner power and confidence to design a life they love and to fulfill their soul’s calling. She has a background in Social Psychology and is currently completing board certification using the methodology and techniques from within Strategic Intervention, a program offered by Tony Robbins and Cloe Madanes at Robbins Madanes Training. Tanya-Marie also has an online show called the Empowered Woman! Find out more at http://tanyadube.com..

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