A Life By Design
When my baby boy was just able to start putting words together to make longer sentences, he said this to me, “I’m so happy I picked you, mommy.” That took me back and it took me by surprise and made me really think. What in the world did that mean…”picked me”? As he got a little older, he would still say that he was happy he picked me, he would talk about the place he came from and he told me that I was his second mommy and that his first mommy had to put him in a box, he went back to the “baby place”, and then he was here, with me and it really scared him when he got here.
When I gave birth to him, my midwives taught me how to reach down and pull him out myself, and they assisted in putting him on my breasts but he didn’t quite make it because I noticed the distressed look in his eye, and I saw that he wasn’t breathing. How interesting that he would say that he was so scared when he came to me and at the same time when I met him for the first time, he wasn’t breathing. It made me think of a lot of things: when does the soul enter the body? He claims he showed up at the birth. Do we choose this life? How do we choose this life? What’s involved? If we choose the path, do we choose the obstacles and if not, what is the purpose of the obstacles and the pain that comes with it. When he said he went “back” to the baby place, where is that? What is it? My daughter said the same thing when she was around 3.5 years old: she came from the baby place before coming to me. Lastly, what is my role, then, if these souls chose me and how can I make this the most amazing human experience for these souls, of which I personally feel that my son is the oldest soul I’ve ever personally known and had the pleasure to interact with. Is it me making this an amazing experience for them, or is it them, here, to help guide me with my soul’s journey or is it both? Our souls aren’t boys or girls and I have no idea about age, but I’m sure it isn’t what it is here. If my son is an older soul than I am, then he must know more than I do and he will have things to teach me, so it’s my job to listen fully. What about reincarnation? How many lives do we live and do we keep coming back if we haven’t learned our soul’s lessons, if we haven’t connected so deeply to our intuition that we miss the whole point each lifetime, so we come back again and again until we finally WAKE UP and remember?
The answer I’ve come to is that it is all connected. I’m thinking that not every soul wants to come to earth but for those who do, not all souls get to do it. I began researching what people who claim to have crossed over and come back again had to say. I looked up mediums and read their work and what their thoughts were on this. They all said more or less the same thing: you make a pact with God, with your spirit guides, and with other souls, and you have three exit strategies for this life. You have three things you are to learn as a way to elevate your spirit and get closer to God, and that preemptive suicide as a way to avoid the pain that comes with experiences means coming back and doing it all over again because you didn’t learn the lessons you were meant to learn. You didn’t fulfill your contract. I also read somewhere that suicide also means that when you go back, you go back but to another sort of realm and have to work your way back up.
I’m not sure I can definitively say that I agree one way or the other with the things I’ve read, but I will say this: when it was presented to me that I am a soul in a human body (and not a human being with a soul), it changed everything. If that was true and my soul was here to have an adventure, to accomplish lessons and learn, and to be here for other souls, assisting to elevate through our personal experiences and innate spiritual knowledge, then that would mean that I needed the experiences I went through, I was looking for it as a means to grow and develop and get closer to God. It would mean that meditation was a necessary means of connection to the Source (or to God, however you like to say it) and that the quality of the experience would depend on how I went looking for it, and high energy would only mean high energy in return. This would explain my years of dark adversity: low energy attracting low energy/low vibration experiences that would be deeply painful and, at one time, prove to be very difficult for me to pull myself out of and an even darker time, when I tried to end my life at 12 years old. That day, sitting behind a church on a hill as the sun went down over the trees below, scratching away at my wrist with an old piece of discarded glass, I heard a voice that was as clear as day. It said: “just hold on. If you can get to 18 years old, everything changes.”
I was 12, and it freaked me out. But I listened and thank God I did, because for all the ups and downs, this life has given me the opportunity to do so many wonderful things for other people because of the things I’ve been through. I no longer attract negative energy to me because my own energy and vibration is very high and if there are low vibration people are around me, I can easily spot it/feel it and move on quickly, but if it wasn’t for those low vibe experiences, I wouldn’t be as useful as I am today. For me, being useful to others is a pre-requisite for the deal I’ve been given. It’s also imminent. Everywhere I go, someone needs to be heard and seen and they come to me the way cats come out from under houses when my daughter walks down the street looking for something that I know, and it occurs to me that everything I learned was never for me: it was for all the people who I would cross paths with and learn from or teach about this idea that we need to stop connected so deeply with our human story. Yes, it is your story, but it is ONE story of one lifetime and instead of defining yourself though that, you need to look at your story as another tool in your tool belt and not the entire belt. My friend John McIntosh taught me that part and it took me a few go-arounds to see that. It took me a long time to accept that this was my path. It is all-encompassing and I love every minute of it.
In my honest opinion, the message is loud and clear: it’s your job to wake up. Wake up and remember. Get smart about the way you life your life, treat your body like the vehicle it is meant to be for your soul that is being housed in it. If your soul is meant to have experiences to learn lessons and grow, the vehicle must be able to take you there. The mind, the body and the soul are inter-connected. The food you put in your body will affect the way you think and the way you connect to the Source. The way you hold back on life, or over-indulge all affects your openness to something greater than you. The way you interact with other humans and contribute and develop the connection others have to their destination all matters. Your connection to love and intimacy and your connection to Source are deeply, intrinsically intertwined. It’s my personal opinion that if you let your human experiences run your life, you’ll get stuck and won’t move forward, you won’t learn anything and you’ll just be waiting for your physical body to die off. Here’s the thing: you’ll just have to come back and do it all over again, but next time you might not be so lucky. You might come back as a dung beetle so count your lucky stars that you are YOU. You picked this, this was your choice and your design so design the hell out of it and really live. Xo
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn